Genuine Fatherhood

All too often today many people, even us Catholics, move from Thanksgiving to Christmas with little regard for what takes place in-between, Advent. The moment the leftover turkey gets cold we are already wrapping presents. Why the hurry when the season of Advent is such a wonderful gift. It is a season of yearning and preparation, a season of waiting. Advent is also a season of new beginnings since it marks the beginning of a new year in the Catholic calendar. Advent is also the beginning of a new a chapter in salvation history. I believe, however,that many of us forget that Advent is also the beginning of a new family.

With God nothing is coincidence. Therefore, it is not by chance that the Church calls our attention during advent to the first family, the Holy Family. It is not simply ironic that the Hope of the world, our Salvation, our Redeemer, enters our history not in triumphant praise and singing with great fanfare worthy of a king. The earth did not shake nor did the sun dance in the sky. Rather, God, Emmanuel came among us in the stillness and silence of the night, in the most humble of circumstances, and into the loving arms of a husband and wife. In that moment all of creation held its breath. It is no coincidence that God came to earth in the form of the most innocent and into the loving care of the model family.

God chose Joseph and Mary to care for and raise the Son of Man. God in the person of
Christ Jesus could have come into the world on a cloud of fire and established His kingdom on earth. But God placed the hope of the world in the care of a family. In doing so God sanctifies the family and raises the family to a new level. Mary, Joseph and Jesus elevate the institution of the family to something supreme. Society today has clearly forgotten that. Today the family is a burden, unnecessary, old fashioned, and outdated. Society today seeks to supplant the family and partition out the tasks of the family to the state, to schools, and to the media. Society seeks to replace the family in every aspect of human development whether it be education, emotional development, or spirituality. I cannot count how many times I have heard in the social sciences that the problem is not the dissolution of the nuclear family but rather we have no structures in place to care for the unwanted children and divorced spouses. “We need better after school programs, more robust welfare systems, and better access to contraception.” The sciences have plenty to offer. Yet, few within the discipline our willing to acknowledge the primacy of the family, that by right many “social problems” our related to the diffusion of the family.

Compare the family today to the Holy Family two millennia ago. Was it really different then? Well, today the goal of most people is to get a good education, a great job, and all the wonderful things money can buy. Oh and maybe along the way pick up a wife and if I have time maybe a kid or two but only if my wife demands it. Perhaps this the extreme example but all of our stories fit into this narrative one way or another. We are often brought up with these goals in mind. We as men are bombarded by the media and culture with images of marriage and family as binding, inhibiting, and painful. According to contemporary culture individuality and personal freedom are the most important. We must ‘sow our wild oats’ and do whatever it takes to get ahead in life because at the end of the day we are measured by what we have and what we have accomplished. It should come as no surprise then that many of us wake up empty, unsatisfied, and hungry. But no matter how much we consume the desire still lingers. Our marriages are stagnant and the relationships with our children are all but non-existent. Is our family today different than the Holy Family? Yes, it is.

This Advent I have spent some time reflecting on my own family. I am a husband and a
father with my second child due in May. I know what the world expects of my relationship with my family. I am supposed to bring home the bacon, go fishing on Sundays, and walk my daughter down the aisle. Right? But what has God called my family to be? What does it mean to truly be a husband and father? Over the past few months I have been participating in a program for men titled “That Man is You” developed by Steve Bollman and produced by Paradisus Dei. This particular program asks those exact questions. What does God expect from me as a husband and father? I along with the program developer agree that the answer to this question is found in the Holy Family.

Remember that God, through the Holy Family, raised the family to a new level. In doing so he calls us men to be husbands and fathers at a higher level. Simply look to the example left to us by Saint Joseph. Think about this, Joseph never once recorded a single word in all of scripture and history. Not once. Imagine yourself as the husband of literally the most perfect woman to ever exist and foster father to the Savior of mankind. You are at the center of the most defining moment in all of history. Yet, you say nothing. What incredible humility. Joseph knew his place in the family. Joseph knew he was to take the place of a servant and not the master.

We as husbands and fathers today have made ourselves masters. We have placed ourselves at the top with our wife and children beneath us. As a master we dole out the goods we possess to our servants and then go on about our lives as we please. Joseph, however, understood the true hierarchy within the family. That is as Christ himself stated in scripture “but many that are first will be last, and the last will be first” (Mk 10:31). We are called as husbands and fathers to be last. We as servants are called to eat only after all others have eaten and to sleep only when the rest of the house is sleeping. This was the life of St. Joseph. He knew that his wife and child came before him. Joseph saw that the child Jesus placed in his care was the most important.

Today we have inverted this relationship and put ourselves first, our wife second, and our children last. St. Joseph calls us during advent to right our families. We are called to be the foundation for our wives and children. In order to fulfill this calling we must place ourselves at the bottom. A building with the foundation placed on the roof would collapse. But the building with a solid foundation at its core allows for the construction of marvelous works above. The strong foundation endures and supports the walls and roof for generations. A good husband and father is the foundation of the family. Rooted in Christ, our Rock, we will weather the test of time. We will build the relationships necessary to cultivate a holy family. If we but lay the groundwork by remaining in Christ, God will build great things within our families.

Let us never forget that Christ entered our lives two thousand years ago through a family. Christ desires to enter our lives today through our families. Take this Advent season as an opportunity to strengthen ourselves for the vocation as husband and father to which God has called us. By living out our vocation, we will bring harmony back into our home, revolutionize society, and once again raise the institution of the family to the level of the Holy the Family. Husbands and fathers, it is time to put ourselves last, it is time to step down off our thrones and serve our families. Consider the silent service of St. Joseph and how God entrusted the care and protection of the two most perfect beings to ever exist. From such a humble man God brought great wonders. Imagine what great wonders God is waiting to bring from your family if you but humble yourself and serve.

Layton Field

The Gift

I once received a copy of the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman from a girl I was dating. This book discusses that there are different ways that people express and receive love. One of the love languages is the giving and receiving of gifts. The girl who gave this book to me took the liberty to highlight certain sections for me to read. Needless to say things didn’t work out.

Just recently my oldest child turned 3 years old. We had a wonderful party and when it came time for gifts, her friend kept bringing her new gifts to unwrap before she could respond with gratitude for the gifts just received. For those whose primary love language is gift giving and receiving, their was disappointment in their faces when our daughter was distracted with a new package just as her eyes would light up with wonder at the recently unwrapped gift. Now in all fairness, she is 3 years old, and the children that were bombarding her with distractions, from what I believe would be an appropriate response of gratitude, were young children as well. But for the givers of the gifts, that gratitude would have been a deep expression of love that mirrored that of the gift even though it was not equal to it.

When it comes to giving and receiving gifts, I have never been the best at that. If a gift received cost more than the gift I gave, I feel like I owe them something. It happens to all of us; we received a Christmas card in the mail and realized it is from someone that is not on our list. Immediately we put one in the mailbox hoping that it will arrive at their home in time for them to think that we sent it before we received theirs. Why do we feel the need to get even? Why could we just say thank you?

This advent season, we prepare ourselves to receive a gift so great. One that we will never be able to equal, Christ Jesus Himself. So often this time is called the season of giving, but it is important to take time to focus on how we are receiving as well. Our daughter received the gifts she was given with joy and wonder even if the moment was interrupted. She never sought to get even or recalled that she didn’t get some of these children gifts at their most recent birthday, she simple celebrated the gift, which in turn celebrated the giver. During this time our challenge is to empty ourselves of the distractions in our lives that would keep us from authentic gratitude to the Christ-Child. Advent is meant to be a joyful preparation as we anticipate a gift so great. Indeed, the giver is no stranger to this joy. His love must be shared, poured out on the cross, into our lives and then from us to Him through the way we share Him with others. Afterall, the greatest gifts must be shared. This Advent I pray that we may prepare hearts of gratitude so that we may celebrate the gift and the giver with joy and wonder.

Chris Bartlett
IHeardtheCall.com

Willing to Bend

As I awoke a few days ago, feeling particularly tired and unprepared to face a new week, I looked around at what seemed a mountain I must climb. The piles of laundry, sink full of dishes, and a mess everywhere I looked. Just three days ago this house was perfect top to bottom, how could it not stay that way...and so it goes with a family I guess.

While these “trials” are ultimately insignificant and relatively unimportant in the scheme of life, it so often seems, as least to me, that it is even the small everyday things, chores, and annoyances can take us off track, discourage us, and even lead us away from the Lord when we are least expecting it.

As I mustered the courage to shake it off and get moving, after a cup of coffee and some morning prayer time, I still felt frustration. A desire for complete perfection, which often tempts me, began to disillusion me and I felt a sense of anger welling up inside; over something as silly as having the house just the way I wanted it. How can learn to face the big things in life if the small things keep holding me back?

It was then that I felt an interruption from the Holy Spirit, reminding me that this “perfection” that I so often desire, is ultimately a desire for Heaven, a completion in eternity with Christ. However, in my imperfect and sinful ways, this “perfection” often gets misplaced and degenerates into a controlling ego-centric beast looking to devour any and all that get in her way.

I quickly realized that Christ never promised us complete fulfillment on earth. There is no perfect career, perfect home, or even perfect family. Perfection only comes in Him, and in life, we are tested by fire. Perhaps the flames come from a burning bonfire as through tragedy and severe physical or mental suffering. However, it can also come through the small “brush fires” of everyday life that can quickly spread and burn an entire village if not contained through prayer and complete surrender to God.

As I thought about Christ asking me to continually bend and change, through life’s fires and storms, I asked myself this question, “What is that I am made of?”

Here is what I found, I am often floating back and forth between three entities:

A Marble Statue:
In my desire for constant perfection I can distance myself from God and actually convince myself, either through indifference or self-righteousness, that I have and will reach perfection on my own. The beauty and grandeur of a marble statue is impressive, seemingly perfect, but fleeting. As one looks closer you will find a cold, austere being that no one can seem to penetrate. Often the remedy requires, through humility, some careful chiseling from Christ, or in some instances a jackhammer for a complete overhaul.

A Mud Pie:
Without proper hydration, i.e. the Living Water of Christ, I can often become hardened and cracked. And while unlike marble, as a mud pie I can be prone to self-pity, doubt, resentment, or even anger, because let’s face it, I’m acting like a mud pie. Besides kids in the backyard thinking it’s the best thing ever...mud pies don’t exactly attract anyone else and can be prone to a hardening that could be irreversible if left unattended. A fossil of my own self-pity...leaving me far from Christ.

A Sponge:
While seemingly attractive because I can soak in many things as a sponge, my porous nation can be equally harmful without the gift of discernment and wisdom to guard against unwanted or harmful substances. As a sponge I oftentimes fluctuate frequently from being over loaded with moisture (i.e. busy activity, overcomitted, constant communication, etc.) which leads me to “ringing myself out” and becoming overly dry, and again hardened. In my “spongy” moments I find myself always gripping for the next thing, hardly ever staying on track, and never reaching a consistent prayer life or solid relationship with Christ and His Church.

Content as Clay:
I have concluded then, that my best bet is to be content to be clay. While at first glance, clay, usually a neutral unassuming color may seem dull and mundane, it is one of the most pliable and flexible substances known on earth. It can be easily kneaded, pulled and stretched as much as the Artist deems necessary. In order to become it’s ultimate creation, a beautiful piece of pottery or handmade art, it must be molded again and again and then placed in the fire. In the end, this willingness and eagerness to bend is what allows clay to become the work of art it’s Creator intended it to be.

How then can I return from marble, mud, or as a sponge to a flexible servant for the Lord?

During Advent, in this time of penance and prayerful anticipation, let us examine our conscience with greater care and diligence. Let us look at ourselves honestly and see what we are made of and ask ourselves if this substance is something that allows Christ to work and move in us. As we await the most joyous event in our calendar year, the Incarnation of our Lord and King, let us turn back to the precious Babe in the manger and come home to Him through penance and Reconciliation.

What a joyful reunion awaits us this Christmas when in purity and meekness of heart we are intimately united to Christ through the gift of the Eucharist! Let us be as soft as clay Lord, so that during this Christmas and New Year we are ready to bend at your will, be stretched as necessary, and coming running when you beckon.

Marilisa Carney

Thanksgiving

As Americans we celebrate Thanksgiving every year on the 4th Thursday of November. It is a time of family, food, and fun centered around the idea of thanksgiving. Most of the time for me it comes and goes with no real impact. But this year something was different. While traveling in the car from house to house for another daily feast, I thought about what exactly it is that I am thankful for, and inspired by some thought provoking Catholic speakers, I was left with these thoughts.

Out of everything that Christ has done for me one of the best gifts he gave me was the gift of the Catholic faith at birth. But how many cradle Catholic's feel this same way? How many do you think realize this great gift of truth and understanding? I often wonder how would my life be different if I had been born into a faithful Protestant family instead of a Catholic one? Do I really feel that I would have sought the truth enough to find it in the Catholic church?

The important thing here is that Jesus calls each and everyone of us to be seekers of truth. He wants us to have a child like faith that seeks the answers with an open heart. However, as a cradle Catholic I think we are held to a higher standard. Where much is given much is expected. We need to know our faith and share it proudly in charity so that we as disciples can help others overcome false truths. Most of all, we need to live our faith so that the Gospel is seen by others and thus draws them closer to the fullness of truth found in the Catholic Church due to our example. Mathew Kelly a great Catholic speaker and author says, “that we are all walking billboards of the Catholic faith.” My question to you and daily to myself, "Are you a billboard that promotes the church?"

You see billboards come in many different shapes and sizes just like people so we all have unique opportunities to use our own gifts and talents to promote the Church. We can promote the church out of charity, zeal for souls, and love for all. The important thing is that we don't promote the church for our own ego or to draw attention to ourselves. Billboards don't exist on the side of highways to point to themselves, they exist to promote something bigger. That is what we are called to do as Catholics. The way we live our lives should always point back to Jesus and nothing else.

So during this Advent season use the time of preparation to grow in holiness preparing the way of the Lord in your heart and your lives. Become that walking billboard that Christ wants all of us to be so that at the end of the day we can do as St. Francis said, “Preach the gospel and only when necessary use words.”