Genuine Fatherhood

All too often today many people, even us Catholics, move from Thanksgiving to Christmas with little regard for what takes place in-between, Advent. The moment the leftover turkey gets cold we are already wrapping presents. Why the hurry when the season of Advent is such a wonderful gift. It is a season of yearning and preparation, a season of waiting. Advent is also a season of new beginnings since it marks the beginning of a new year in the Catholic calendar. Advent is also the beginning of a new a chapter in salvation history. I believe, however,that many of us forget that Advent is also the beginning of a new family.

With God nothing is coincidence. Therefore, it is not by chance that the Church calls our attention during advent to the first family, the Holy Family. It is not simply ironic that the Hope of the world, our Salvation, our Redeemer, enters our history not in triumphant praise and singing with great fanfare worthy of a king. The earth did not shake nor did the sun dance in the sky. Rather, God, Emmanuel came among us in the stillness and silence of the night, in the most humble of circumstances, and into the loving arms of a husband and wife. In that moment all of creation held its breath. It is no coincidence that God came to earth in the form of the most innocent and into the loving care of the model family.

God chose Joseph and Mary to care for and raise the Son of Man. God in the person of
Christ Jesus could have come into the world on a cloud of fire and established His kingdom on earth. But God placed the hope of the world in the care of a family. In doing so God sanctifies the family and raises the family to a new level. Mary, Joseph and Jesus elevate the institution of the family to something supreme. Society today has clearly forgotten that. Today the family is a burden, unnecessary, old fashioned, and outdated. Society today seeks to supplant the family and partition out the tasks of the family to the state, to schools, and to the media. Society seeks to replace the family in every aspect of human development whether it be education, emotional development, or spirituality. I cannot count how many times I have heard in the social sciences that the problem is not the dissolution of the nuclear family but rather we have no structures in place to care for the unwanted children and divorced spouses. “We need better after school programs, more robust welfare systems, and better access to contraception.” The sciences have plenty to offer. Yet, few within the discipline our willing to acknowledge the primacy of the family, that by right many “social problems” our related to the diffusion of the family.

Compare the family today to the Holy Family two millennia ago. Was it really different then? Well, today the goal of most people is to get a good education, a great job, and all the wonderful things money can buy. Oh and maybe along the way pick up a wife and if I have time maybe a kid or two but only if my wife demands it. Perhaps this the extreme example but all of our stories fit into this narrative one way or another. We are often brought up with these goals in mind. We as men are bombarded by the media and culture with images of marriage and family as binding, inhibiting, and painful. According to contemporary culture individuality and personal freedom are the most important. We must ‘sow our wild oats’ and do whatever it takes to get ahead in life because at the end of the day we are measured by what we have and what we have accomplished. It should come as no surprise then that many of us wake up empty, unsatisfied, and hungry. But no matter how much we consume the desire still lingers. Our marriages are stagnant and the relationships with our children are all but non-existent. Is our family today different than the Holy Family? Yes, it is.

This Advent I have spent some time reflecting on my own family. I am a husband and a
father with my second child due in May. I know what the world expects of my relationship with my family. I am supposed to bring home the bacon, go fishing on Sundays, and walk my daughter down the aisle. Right? But what has God called my family to be? What does it mean to truly be a husband and father? Over the past few months I have been participating in a program for men titled “That Man is You” developed by Steve Bollman and produced by Paradisus Dei. This particular program asks those exact questions. What does God expect from me as a husband and father? I along with the program developer agree that the answer to this question is found in the Holy Family.

Remember that God, through the Holy Family, raised the family to a new level. In doing so he calls us men to be husbands and fathers at a higher level. Simply look to the example left to us by Saint Joseph. Think about this, Joseph never once recorded a single word in all of scripture and history. Not once. Imagine yourself as the husband of literally the most perfect woman to ever exist and foster father to the Savior of mankind. You are at the center of the most defining moment in all of history. Yet, you say nothing. What incredible humility. Joseph knew his place in the family. Joseph knew he was to take the place of a servant and not the master.

We as husbands and fathers today have made ourselves masters. We have placed ourselves at the top with our wife and children beneath us. As a master we dole out the goods we possess to our servants and then go on about our lives as we please. Joseph, however, understood the true hierarchy within the family. That is as Christ himself stated in scripture “but many that are first will be last, and the last will be first” (Mk 10:31). We are called as husbands and fathers to be last. We as servants are called to eat only after all others have eaten and to sleep only when the rest of the house is sleeping. This was the life of St. Joseph. He knew that his wife and child came before him. Joseph saw that the child Jesus placed in his care was the most important.

Today we have inverted this relationship and put ourselves first, our wife second, and our children last. St. Joseph calls us during advent to right our families. We are called to be the foundation for our wives and children. In order to fulfill this calling we must place ourselves at the bottom. A building with the foundation placed on the roof would collapse. But the building with a solid foundation at its core allows for the construction of marvelous works above. The strong foundation endures and supports the walls and roof for generations. A good husband and father is the foundation of the family. Rooted in Christ, our Rock, we will weather the test of time. We will build the relationships necessary to cultivate a holy family. If we but lay the groundwork by remaining in Christ, God will build great things within our families.

Let us never forget that Christ entered our lives two thousand years ago through a family. Christ desires to enter our lives today through our families. Take this Advent season as an opportunity to strengthen ourselves for the vocation as husband and father to which God has called us. By living out our vocation, we will bring harmony back into our home, revolutionize society, and once again raise the institution of the family to the level of the Holy the Family. Husbands and fathers, it is time to put ourselves last, it is time to step down off our thrones and serve our families. Consider the silent service of St. Joseph and how God entrusted the care and protection of the two most perfect beings to ever exist. From such a humble man God brought great wonders. Imagine what great wonders God is waiting to bring from your family if you but humble yourself and serve.

Layton Field