Husbands Love Your Wives

“Husbands love your wives…”

I ran across this article published in the Houston Chronicle today:

According to recent research the definition and experience of “family” is quite different now than it was a generation ago. Fewer people today define marriage as between a woman and a man or as the proper foundation of a family. In fact, the article notes that even the Census Bureau is looking at expanding its definition of family to accommodate the progressive understanding of family. Sure, we can argue about the statistics and different interpretations found in the article all day long. Nonetheless, the research presented highlights one fundamental truth. Marriage and family are weakening. The article does state that marriage will not disappear anytime soon. Still, fewer people today believe in the necessity of marriage than before and that is a problem.

Imagine for a moment the foundation of an enormous building. That foundation supports the weight of the entire building. If the building were to collapse all the people within it would be lost. What if we found a small crack in that foundation? What if the earth began to erode underneath the foundation? What happens to the building? Our declining faith in the sacrament of marriage is a crack in the foundation of our society.

Consider this: God is the foundation of marriage, marriage is the foundation of family, and family is the foundation of society. Many today would disagree with each of these statements but this is exactly what we as Catholics believe (See the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) 1601-1666). Make no mistake; we are in a battle with modern society over the future of marriage, family, and society itself. Some say modernity is to blame. Others accuse individualism, materialism, or secularization. All of these are at one level or another at fault. I believe, however, that we as men, husbands, and fathers must also share in the blame. We have failed to put God at the center of our marriages, God at the center of our families, and God at the center of our society. So what now? Where do we go and what shall we do?

The answer is simple and it starts in the home. Saint Paul in his letter to the Ephesians speaks directly to men in chapter 5 verse 25 saying “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her…” This is what God is asking of us as husbands and fathers. We must be willing to love as Christ loved.

There are two elements to the love of Christ. First, Christ loved the Church but He loved God first and above all things. We too must place God above everything in our lives. God alone is worthy of our adoration. Second, Christ gave of Himself completely in sacrifice to His bride. Therefore, we too must give ourselves totally to our wives in the ordinariness of our daily lives. But what does that really mean?

A priest once told me in confession that God does not expect extraordinary things from us. God only asks us to be faithful to Him in the everyday thoughts, words, and actions of our lives. God will bring great things from even the smallest act of love. So when I say that we must sacrifice ourselves daily in service to our wives and children I simply mean we are to love our families in all the little ways that we can. Yes, occasionally we need to do something special for our wife. Yet, daily we must show her our love through the simple things such as picking up our dirty clothes, washing our bowl after breakfast instead of leaving it dirty in the sink, or maybe even folding a little laundry while we watch the Monday night game. Serving our wives in love will put God back at the center of our marriages.

Then, by sacrificing ourselves in service to our wife God will accomplish marvelous deeds. God will transform our marriages if we but make Him our focus and love our wife as St. Paul describes. This love will bring our families back in line with the Will of God. Finally, the family, established in love and service to God, will fundamentally change the face of our society. Yes, we must protect marriage and family politically, economically, and legally. But we as husbands and fathers as the ultimate protectors of marriage and family must protect first and foremost through loving service. Any lasting change must begin with each husband and father within the home. So what is my advice to our current state, husbands love your wives.

Layton Field

But I Don't Want to Die on the Cross

“Yes, you must die on the cross if you want to go to Heaven,” I overhear my three year old daughter, Bailey, boldly instructing her older sister. “But I don’t want to die on a cross,” Bridget, only four, replies as tears come streaming from her eyes. “Well you have to. Jesus did, so we have to do what He did,” proclaimed Bailey, or as I like to call her, my little Joan of Arc.

I quickly comforted my daughter Bridget, while also encouraging Bailey that she was right. We are called to die on the cross as Christ has done for each of us. I continued to try to explain that we may not be called to literally die on a cross, but hopefully in a successful effort, explained what different “crosses” can be in our lives and how we can offer them to Jesus.

After drying tears, giggling to myself, and saying a prayer of thanks that hopefully my kids are learning how to love Christ, it suddenly struck me that my common response to the Lord is the same as my four year old daughter’s that day, “But I don’t want to die on the cross.” Even after all that He has done for me, my selfish nature and desire for what is comfortable continues to get the best of me. Yet, we know from scripture that if we wish to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, we must pick up our cross and follow Him.

As a busy mom with three little ones at home, my days can often be filled with what seems like mundane chores and errands. As I recall the days when I worked outside of the home, how often my schedule and work became routine, almost as if I went through the day on “auto-pilot” or in a robotic manner. As a weak creature, I so quickly forget that I am called to serve Christ; that is my purpose. And as a mother and wife, it often comes in the form of serving my husband and children, although I must admit sometimes begrudgingly.

           I’m sure many other women and moms can relate to those tired moments when planning another meal, picking up kids on the way home from work, or doing another load of laundry can seem like crucifixion in of itself. (Perhaps a little extreme, but I know it is often the “little” everyday things that can most often seem most burdensome).

Yet, before I overheard this conversation between my daughters, it was if I had forgotten that I must die on the cross daily, if not minute to minute, if I too wish to spend my eternity with Christ. How had I lost sight of the fact that these daily crosses are heroic opportunities to live for Christ, instead for myself? Many call it, a white martyrdom.

For better or wore most of us are creatures of comfort…what feels good is what we do. In a society in which we are bombarded by the message that more is better, convenience is key, and that health and wealth are the ultimate goal of the human species, it is easy to forget that Christ is calling us to die each moment to our own selfishness so as to live wholly for Him. Think of the early church martyrs who were thrown to the lions and tigers or faced crucifixion like our Lord. Today we may not die a martyr’s death, but we still face the “lions and tigers” and are called as Christians to defend our faith and walk in the footsteps of Christ.

Does that mean that we are all called to run into the wild jungles and start missions, or drop everything we are called to in the world and live a cloistered life? While yes, many great saints of yesterday and today have been given that specific call, that does not excuse the rest of us from pursuing holiness with as much zeal as these heroic saints have done. Then in what ways can I offer my life and particular vocation to you O, Lord?

Mother Teresa is the perfect model of what it means to offer our days and works for Christ. She once said in an interview, “If the only thing you can do is peel potatoes, then you peel the potatoes for the love of Christ.” Powerful words when we live in such a time when it is the “big” things that get noticed. It can be very tempting, certainly for myself, to wish that I was called to be St. Joan of Arc leading an army into a great battle, or even St. Francis Xavier who traveled the world spreading the Gospel and starting missions.

However, all of us can “die on our cross” each day like in the example of St. Therese of Liseux. As a cloistered nun in the late 1800’s in France, she was quiet, often unnoticed and certainly early on very few might predict that later she would be declared a Saint and a Doctor of the Church. Some might even argue that she was simply, “ordinary”. But the example of St. Therese is needed now more than ever! It is doing the “ordinary” things of life with extraordinary love can save souls and mold a heart like that of Christ’s in each one of us.

We are each in the midst of a battle, trying to keep ourselves and troops motivated to not lose heart. The battles take place right in our own hearts, homes, schools, and places of work. Let us not forget, there is a roaring lion looking to devour us. Evil is prowling amongst our world, and as women I believe we have a special role to protect our husbands and children. It is our privilege and duty as wife and mother to enter this battle with our most important weapons: the Rosary, the Sacraments, and our willingness to offer ourselves as a sacrifice for the sake of our families. I am certainly not presuming that we can save our families, for it is Christ alone who redeems. But Christ can use each one of us to lead the souls left to our care closer to Him. It starts with molding our hearts and uniting our will to His.

With God’s grace, let us follow Christ to Calvary and allow ourselves to be nailed to our cross out of love for Him. While it may come in the form of folding clothes, juggling work with husband and kids, or changing another diaper, only by dying to ourselves, in small and great ways, can we be transformed into a new being more clearly reflecting Christ and not ourselves. A call for all women: allow Christ to penetrate our hearts so to change the whole world, one small cross at a time.

Marilisa Carney

Spare Change

Today my wife celebrates her 28th year of life. At one point she stated how she was starting to feel as her youth slipped away. Today also marked the last day of my parents visit from Colorado. They stayed with us 5 days. This is about the magic number as it takes 2 days for my kids to completely warm up to them. These two events connect, I promise.

I am not the same person I was when living with my parents, however, if I spend enough time with them, I can quickly shift from being a husband and father into simply being their child. This is never a good thing.

Many of us experience significant growth in college as we leave the nest. When we return for breaks, much of that progress is reverted as we return to our old self, to the one we were back in High School or younger. It’s almost as if there is a mode of operation that we can build on, but there are times when that mode of operation becomes our comfort zone and we revert to childish ways.

There is so much change that takes place as we build upon our childhood. We become different people, who can indeed become the same children if we don’t continue to foster growth in ourselves. In this regard, there is a beauty and a grace in change. We develop, we mature, and yes sweetheart, we get older. 

To me there is a deeper beauty in the unchanging nature of our God. He is, was and ever
shall be. Why is change in our case a good thing, and the absents of change in God’s case also a good thing? It’s simple, God has arrived. He is the ‘best version of himself’ as Matthew Kelly would put it. We are still striving to become the best, or at least, better versions of ourselves, and year by year, this should be celebrated even if it makes you feel older.

Discernment and following the call is vital to our growth. It is almost always the case that a response to God requires change on our part. After all, that is what conversion is. So as you turn one day or one year older today, ask yourself if you have been open enough to God’s will that you are willing to change into a better you. And remember, as we continue to grow out of our childhood, into adulthood, we are always God’s children and that is a foundation that we can revert to as we grow.

Chris Bartlett