But I Don't Want to Die on the Cross

“Yes, you must die on the cross if you want to go to Heaven,” I overhear my three year old daughter, Bailey, boldly instructing her older sister. “But I don’t want to die on a cross,” Bridget, only four, replies as tears come streaming from her eyes. “Well you have to. Jesus did, so we have to do what He did,” proclaimed Bailey, or as I like to call her, my little Joan of Arc.

I quickly comforted my daughter Bridget, while also encouraging Bailey that she was right. We are called to die on the cross as Christ has done for each of us. I continued to try to explain that we may not be called to literally die on a cross, but hopefully in a successful effort, explained what different “crosses” can be in our lives and how we can offer them to Jesus.

After drying tears, giggling to myself, and saying a prayer of thanks that hopefully my kids are learning how to love Christ, it suddenly struck me that my common response to the Lord is the same as my four year old daughter’s that day, “But I don’t want to die on the cross.” Even after all that He has done for me, my selfish nature and desire for what is comfortable continues to get the best of me. Yet, we know from scripture that if we wish to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, we must pick up our cross and follow Him.

As a busy mom with three little ones at home, my days can often be filled with what seems like mundane chores and errands. As I recall the days when I worked outside of the home, how often my schedule and work became routine, almost as if I went through the day on “auto-pilot” or in a robotic manner. As a weak creature, I so quickly forget that I am called to serve Christ; that is my purpose. And as a mother and wife, it often comes in the form of serving my husband and children, although I must admit sometimes begrudgingly.

           I’m sure many other women and moms can relate to those tired moments when planning another meal, picking up kids on the way home from work, or doing another load of laundry can seem like crucifixion in of itself. (Perhaps a little extreme, but I know it is often the “little” everyday things that can most often seem most burdensome).

Yet, before I overheard this conversation between my daughters, it was if I had forgotten that I must die on the cross daily, if not minute to minute, if I too wish to spend my eternity with Christ. How had I lost sight of the fact that these daily crosses are heroic opportunities to live for Christ, instead for myself? Many call it, a white martyrdom.

For better or wore most of us are creatures of comfort…what feels good is what we do. In a society in which we are bombarded by the message that more is better, convenience is key, and that health and wealth are the ultimate goal of the human species, it is easy to forget that Christ is calling us to die each moment to our own selfishness so as to live wholly for Him. Think of the early church martyrs who were thrown to the lions and tigers or faced crucifixion like our Lord. Today we may not die a martyr’s death, but we still face the “lions and tigers” and are called as Christians to defend our faith and walk in the footsteps of Christ.

Does that mean that we are all called to run into the wild jungles and start missions, or drop everything we are called to in the world and live a cloistered life? While yes, many great saints of yesterday and today have been given that specific call, that does not excuse the rest of us from pursuing holiness with as much zeal as these heroic saints have done. Then in what ways can I offer my life and particular vocation to you O, Lord?

Mother Teresa is the perfect model of what it means to offer our days and works for Christ. She once said in an interview, “If the only thing you can do is peel potatoes, then you peel the potatoes for the love of Christ.” Powerful words when we live in such a time when it is the “big” things that get noticed. It can be very tempting, certainly for myself, to wish that I was called to be St. Joan of Arc leading an army into a great battle, or even St. Francis Xavier who traveled the world spreading the Gospel and starting missions.

However, all of us can “die on our cross” each day like in the example of St. Therese of Liseux. As a cloistered nun in the late 1800’s in France, she was quiet, often unnoticed and certainly early on very few might predict that later she would be declared a Saint and a Doctor of the Church. Some might even argue that she was simply, “ordinary”. But the example of St. Therese is needed now more than ever! It is doing the “ordinary” things of life with extraordinary love can save souls and mold a heart like that of Christ’s in each one of us.

We are each in the midst of a battle, trying to keep ourselves and troops motivated to not lose heart. The battles take place right in our own hearts, homes, schools, and places of work. Let us not forget, there is a roaring lion looking to devour us. Evil is prowling amongst our world, and as women I believe we have a special role to protect our husbands and children. It is our privilege and duty as wife and mother to enter this battle with our most important weapons: the Rosary, the Sacraments, and our willingness to offer ourselves as a sacrifice for the sake of our families. I am certainly not presuming that we can save our families, for it is Christ alone who redeems. But Christ can use each one of us to lead the souls left to our care closer to Him. It starts with molding our hearts and uniting our will to His.

With God’s grace, let us follow Christ to Calvary and allow ourselves to be nailed to our cross out of love for Him. While it may come in the form of folding clothes, juggling work with husband and kids, or changing another diaper, only by dying to ourselves, in small and great ways, can we be transformed into a new being more clearly reflecting Christ and not ourselves. A call for all women: allow Christ to penetrate our hearts so to change the whole world, one small cross at a time.

Marilisa Carney