Husbands Love Your Wives

“Husbands love your wives…”

I ran across this article published in the Houston Chronicle today:

According to recent research the definition and experience of “family” is quite different now than it was a generation ago. Fewer people today define marriage as between a woman and a man or as the proper foundation of a family. In fact, the article notes that even the Census Bureau is looking at expanding its definition of family to accommodate the progressive understanding of family. Sure, we can argue about the statistics and different interpretations found in the article all day long. Nonetheless, the research presented highlights one fundamental truth. Marriage and family are weakening. The article does state that marriage will not disappear anytime soon. Still, fewer people today believe in the necessity of marriage than before and that is a problem.

Imagine for a moment the foundation of an enormous building. That foundation supports the weight of the entire building. If the building were to collapse all the people within it would be lost. What if we found a small crack in that foundation? What if the earth began to erode underneath the foundation? What happens to the building? Our declining faith in the sacrament of marriage is a crack in the foundation of our society.

Consider this: God is the foundation of marriage, marriage is the foundation of family, and family is the foundation of society. Many today would disagree with each of these statements but this is exactly what we as Catholics believe (See the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) 1601-1666). Make no mistake; we are in a battle with modern society over the future of marriage, family, and society itself. Some say modernity is to blame. Others accuse individualism, materialism, or secularization. All of these are at one level or another at fault. I believe, however, that we as men, husbands, and fathers must also share in the blame. We have failed to put God at the center of our marriages, God at the center of our families, and God at the center of our society. So what now? Where do we go and what shall we do?

The answer is simple and it starts in the home. Saint Paul in his letter to the Ephesians speaks directly to men in chapter 5 verse 25 saying “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her…” This is what God is asking of us as husbands and fathers. We must be willing to love as Christ loved.

There are two elements to the love of Christ. First, Christ loved the Church but He loved God first and above all things. We too must place God above everything in our lives. God alone is worthy of our adoration. Second, Christ gave of Himself completely in sacrifice to His bride. Therefore, we too must give ourselves totally to our wives in the ordinariness of our daily lives. But what does that really mean?

A priest once told me in confession that God does not expect extraordinary things from us. God only asks us to be faithful to Him in the everyday thoughts, words, and actions of our lives. God will bring great things from even the smallest act of love. So when I say that we must sacrifice ourselves daily in service to our wives and children I simply mean we are to love our families in all the little ways that we can. Yes, occasionally we need to do something special for our wife. Yet, daily we must show her our love through the simple things such as picking up our dirty clothes, washing our bowl after breakfast instead of leaving it dirty in the sink, or maybe even folding a little laundry while we watch the Monday night game. Serving our wives in love will put God back at the center of our marriages.

Then, by sacrificing ourselves in service to our wife God will accomplish marvelous deeds. God will transform our marriages if we but make Him our focus and love our wife as St. Paul describes. This love will bring our families back in line with the Will of God. Finally, the family, established in love and service to God, will fundamentally change the face of our society. Yes, we must protect marriage and family politically, economically, and legally. But we as husbands and fathers as the ultimate protectors of marriage and family must protect first and foremost through loving service. Any lasting change must begin with each husband and father within the home. So what is my advice to our current state, husbands love your wives.

Layton Field